Suitcase of Courage is previewing the 2007 F1 season in an irregular series highlighting each team. Today: Toyota...
If I was giving an award out for most incompetent F1 team over the past several years, I think it would have to be Toyota. With a budget of 8.3 bajillion dollars, Toyota has managed to produce consistent midfield mediocrity. This is from a company that is currently ruthlessly crushing the soul out of American carmakers. So while they can figure out a way to sell the bestselling car in the US for the last 20 odd years, running an F1 team is a complete fucking mystery to them. Their first mistake was to base an F1 team in Germany, far from the heartland of qualified personnel in middle England, and not even close to the Italians. So they have to overpay for engineering talent, and the results have thus far been crappy. They hired away the highly regarded Mike Gascoyne from Renault at the end of 2003 and then sacked him earlier this year when the car failed to win consistently. It must have been especially galling to Toyota brass when Jenson "yellow teeth" Button won in Hungary.
Of course no team can seriously think of competing at the front with a waste of space like Ralf Schumacher manning one of the cars, and apparently making the third best pay packet in the business. Ralfie boy is an example of what happens when you run a copy through the copy machine and then fax it; a pale replica of his brothers talent. Actually, I think he is worse than whoever is driving the second Super Aguri. I actually like Jarno Trulli and think he is a fairly decent driver, but racecraft is a complete fucking mystery to him. He is a brilliant qualifier, but on tracks where it is actually possible to overtake, he rapidly shuffles back down the pack. Some of this performance can be blamed on Toyota's usual strategy of going for qualifying glory and sacrificing race pace, only to bitch and moan later that someone screwed up their double podium strategy.
If I was Mr. Watanabe, I would can the entire team and put all my resources behind Williams, a team that actually knows what the fuck they are doing. Also, I would get a better livery. The current one makes me want to vomit when I wake up hungover on Sunday mornings to watch European races.
2007 Prediction: Suck it, bitches. Actually, I think they will finish 5th, behind some sort of Ferrari, Macccy, Reggie combo, and also behind Honda. Hopefully Ralfie will get cashiered at the midpoint of the season and they will spend the dough on a real driver (Scott Speed, although I wouldn't wish driving for Toyota on my worst enemy).
(The skanky half of Ralfie is pictured. They renew their vows annually. Enjoy)
Wow, that may be the best post yet on SOC. Three, or was it four f-bombs? Good thing we aren't a real website, because I feel Toyota would come a knockin tomorrow. Although, with their record of spending problems away they would probably show up with either some free cars or a load of cash. Here's to hoping.
Posted by: matb | 12 December 2006 at 11:46 PM
Actually we just got acquired by Toyota. But fuck them in the ear. And Ralfie too.
Posted by: alex | 13 December 2006 at 12:48 AM
I should post wasted more often
Posted by: ian | 13 December 2006 at 08:41 AM
Wow, drunk and you can still spell and conjugate way better than Alex! I think it was pretty apparent that you were inebriated on that one. Maybe we need a "drunk blogging" tag
Posted by: matb | 13 December 2006 at 08:55 AM
Done and Done.
Posted by: alex | 13 December 2006 at 10:16 AM