Suitcase of Courage

Tuesday Tirade: F1, Alex Yoong, and the Rockies

    F1 has been, for as long as I've been watching, a sport that requires a certain amount of work to appreciate. Its a sport for those who like to recite engine specifications and sporting conduct guidelines, although once in a wet race it'll have the carnage appeal as well. Add in a secret rulebook, the grandiosely named "Concord Agreement," and you have a race series that manufactures elitism.
    Until recently, all this had seemed like a somewhat comedic backdrop to what was inherently a great series, dare I say the best in the world. Formula 1 cars are like nothing else on pavement and as cream invariably rises to the top we also get to watch the best drivers in the world race them. I love F1, but this year the politics have gone too far. It's confounding to me how Max Mosley and the rest of them have managed to cock up what could have been a truly great season. Schumi's gone, time for the new kids to take over! Not. Time for politics to take over, and this weekend we arrive at the championship finale, the Brazilian Grand Prix, which is normally one of my favorites. This year however, thanks to the FIA ruining the constructor's championship and the bickering among Dennis, Alonso, and Hamilton JesusDriver (sponsered by Vodafone!) turning this year's Driver's Championship into a who-gives-a-shit affair, I find myself strangely excited about the upcoming World Series.
    That's right, baseball. The eternally horrible Colorado Rockies are going to the World Series and for me that's about like taking a ten year break from F1 and then hearing Alex Yoong has come back with an old Minardi and won twelve races in a year.
    Of course, in the end I'll be watching this weekend's race in Brazil with as much enthusiasm as ever. It is a three way shootout for the biggest prize in motorsport after all, but what I'd like most is to move past the egotistical political in-fighting that almost brought the sport to its knees this year.
    Bring on 2008, and bring on the World Series!

Alonso sitting on pole at Monza

Fernando Alonso took pole ahead of teammate and championship rival Lewis Hamilton today in Italy, setting up a tantalizing heads-up race between the two tommorow. Felipe Massa qualified third, while Raikkonen managed only fifth after a big shunt earlier in the day. Crash or no, the Ferraris look to be a bit off the pace of the boys from Woking. Monza is one of the most storied and historic tracks on the calander, and it usually produces a pretty good race. But the focus of the F1 world this weekend has not been on the racing.

The ongoing clusterfuck that is the Nigel Stepney scandal has reared its ugly head again this weekend. For those who have better things to do than follow off-track politics, the brief story is that Nigel Stepney, senior Ferrari race engineer, approached Mclaren staff with stolen technical data from the Scuderia, perhaps as part of a bid to move a bunch of engineers to Honda. Mike Caughlin at Mclaren apparently saw the documents, and failed to report Stepney to the FIA. Ferrari eventually found out and called the Italian and British authorities, who launched criminal investigations. The matter was brought before the FIA, who couldn't find sufficent evidence that Mclaren was using Ferrari's technical data for thier benefit. The matter was more or less brought to rest until this weeks sensational revalations. Apparently the FIA has come into possesion of some emails between test driver Pedro De La Rosa and Fernando Alonso discussing the stolen documents. Toungues have been wagging over who leaked the info, with much of the speculation centering around the two time world champion, while the FIA has asked all of the McLaren drivers to turn over any emails they have regarding the subject, Meanwhile, the question remains over how much trouble Mclaren is in (they were visited by Italian cops in the paddock) and what action the FIA will take this week, which could potentially include banning the grey cars from the championship.

As we elucidated ealier this week, this byzantine spy scandal is only serving to take the focus off of what has been one of the best seasons in recent memory. This being F1, of course, with all of the money and ego that goes with the racing, everyone is trying to backstab everyone else to the detriment of the sport at large. Although we at SoC are amused by the scandal and like to see Ronzo squirm a bit, we think this is pretty much a total shitshow for the sport at large. What do you readers think?

The Suitcase of Horsepower

    Let's face it, most of what we here at the Suitcase write about is made better by the same thing. More Power! More power behind a penalty kick, more power in the back of your race car, and more power in the legs for the sprint. Formula 1 has always been a power sport and any discussion of race cars leads to the inevitable question of horsepower. How much you packing? Cycling on the other hand traditionally didn't have the means to quantify power outputs.
    As training methods have improved over time pro cyclists have learned more and more about how to fine tune their training and understand their power output. Lance Armstrong famously stated that when he and Johan began their dominant run at the Tour de France most of the pro peleton were still a bunch of amateurs when it came to training. They took the game to the next level with the help of tools like the SRM Powermeter, which allows one to monitor power output in real time on a bike computer. Suddenly riders know exactly when they are hitting their peak in the season and where they are in their training at any point along the way.
    The most famous example of this kind of training was played out at last year's Tour de France when Boulder's own Allen Lim coached Floyd Landis on his miraculous comeback attack. As Dr. Lim explained to me just days after the Tour, they knew exactly how many watts Floyd could generate over a set period of time, and they figure out that this number was higher when his body temperature was lower. As that day's stage in the Tour was extremely hot, the team decided Floyd would go on a daring attack throughout most of the stage to try and win back the Tour. The trick to all this was that by riding by himself off the front of the peleton Landis was able to keep his team car close by so he could dump close to 80 bottles of cold water on his head throughout the day. This kept his body temperature lower than his pursuers and he simply had to watch his power meter and keep producing the designated wattage levels which had been calculated the night before. At this point Landis and Lim knew with some certainty that he could win the stage, and grab back important time, which he did.
    So watts are great and all, but normal people understand one power figure, and that's horsepower. So how much horsepower does it take to win a tour stage in the mountains, and how much does it take to win a sprint on the Champs Elysees? And could the horsepower of the entire peleton harnessed together beat Lewis Hamilton in a 30 second sprint? These seem like normal questions that any SofC reader would love to answer.
    First off, here's a nice little chart showing comparative power outputs for different levels of athlete, courtesy of the before mentioned Allen Lim. For conversion purposes, one horsepower is equivalent to about 745watts.
     And to take it a bit further, here's a table with the power outputs and power to weight ratios ( in horsepower) of race and road cars, pro and amatuer riders, and the F1 grid versus the ProTour peleton.     The conclusions here of course are that gas holds a hell of a lot more energy than pasta, a ProTour rider is way stronger than you are, and the peleton's combined might couldn't beat Hamilton even if he was going in reverse.

Seriously Ralf, Take A Hint...

Avid Suitcase of Courage readers are well aware of our continuing disapproval of all things Ralf Schumacher. Despite the paycheck evidence of being the 3rd highest paid F1 driver on the grid (behind Kimi and Fernando), on every race weekend Ralf floats in midfield expecting viewers somehow to go out of their way and witness his shameless mediocrity solely because of his “Schumacher” label. Why shameless? Of the 20 drivers in F1, he is now amongst the few that shouldn’t be in the sport.

Granted, Ralf has won races but so did real-estate mogul Eddie Irvine. And at least Eddie had character and did Ralf ever get punched in the face by Aryrton Senna? No, But I digress. Back in the mid-90’s, a financially minded team owner, Eddie Jordan, knew that he could ring up serious sponsorship dough by bringing another wonderkind Schumacher prodigy. “Two time Champ Michael? He’s got NOTHING on his brother, Ralf”. The reality was, Ralfie was an empty business ploy, a marketing gimmick to be passed around team by team, each outfit realizing his in-cockpit ineptitude only after serving up him vicious sums of money. A sort of paddock pathogen only to be realized after the damage was done.

Earlier this season, Ralf went to say that he was the “third best driver in F1”. I don’t know if “George Bush says he is best President” would have been more desperate self-legitimizing delusion. On our end, its hilarious.

So, resigning from our soapbox, does Ralf have the $20m Schumacher talent? Yesterday in practice, Ralf ran for 38 laps back in 19th place. The Greater of Schumacher’s would have spent two laps and realized the car was crap, returned to the garage, fiddled the data, put in a blinder while hoisting himself to the front end of the grid. Great drivers can drive terrifyingly horrible cars. His brother did spectacularly and without much distress. It makes me wonder how good the current Toyota is when Ralf’s teammate was in 4th.  Ralf doesn’t have the God given talent to transcend the abilities of machinery to achieve greatness. He languished and just dealt with a slow car then crashed into the barriers. Adding insult to injury, it was at the chicane, which is a fairly straightforward part on the track. Case in point: He’s the faux Schumacher, a pretentious display of celebrity worship to a greater family icon.

What do we expect here? Obviously, Ralf is only after fat checks from Japan in order to buy his darling platonic wife some garish garments and jewelry. Toyota would be happy to get a cheaper replacement this season and even use a new driver to give Trulli some motivation. He needs to jump ship like Monty for he only diminishes the Ralf Schumacher name yet the benefit is that he adds justification to lauds of his brother’s natural talent. In essence, look what a Schumacher could have been? YIKES! Grow a mullet, jump to some tin tops or perhaps go back to Kerpen and quietly fade away.

for comic relief see: Ralf Not Worried About F1 Future by "I'm Number 3 look at me!"

This ends our Friday Rant of Douchebagery™. Send complaits to someone who cares.

Offseason testing update

So this week all of the teams turned up at Barcelona to perfect their 2007 cars for the upcoming season. Ferrari led the way, and the red cars will surely be among the front runners this year. Kimi looks like...wait, what's that you say? The season has already started? There have already been three races? Lewis Hamilton is a good driver? Then why the hell did the powers that be (Bernie and his merry gang) decide to stick a month long break in after Bahrain?

The F1 season started, let me remind you, on March 18th in Australia. Then there was an inexplicable two week break before another race in Asia, leaving most teams to ponder whether or not to subject their crews to murderous jet lag, or just bankroll beach holidays for 50 traveling staff. Instead they compromised and went for some half ass test in Malaysia the week before the race (testing on race tracks leads to dull races). After Malaysia, there was a race the very next weekend in Bahrain, which resulted in the Lewis Hamilton bandwagon gaining full steam. The intrigue was beginning to boil, and F1 2007 was poised to wrest some media attention away from the goings on in the EPL.

But instead we have had near complete radio silence for a month. If I were one of the sponsors that had to pony up a 9 figure check to one of these teams, I might ask that the sport doesn't go into stealth mode just as the excitement is building. The next race is at Barcelona in a weeks time, by which time all the teams will have perfected their setups for the Circuit de Catalunya, and we will be treated to yet another dull procession.

The Tuesday Tirade: Doped up but still a hero

The cycling press world has been on fire with the news that DNA tests confirmed bags of blood in the Operacion Puerto scandal have been linked to the now retired Jan Ullrich. This news is a blow to the few people who still believe cycling is or was clean. It seems at this point that drug usage in cycling is a fact of life, a result of western values and greed. Our infatuation with growth, wealth, fame, and all the other cornerstones of the modern world have taken sport to the brink of disaster. Or has it?

David Millar said after he was busted for EPO that he did it because of the intense pressures to perform in the world of pro cycling. He was in a bit of a slump riding, the bills were piling up, sponsors were demanding results, and the family wanted a new kitchen. With the help of EPO he was suddenly one of cycling's hottest riders, with a rainbow jersey to top it all off. He was the toast of the town. Nothing could go wrong. When he was busted a short time later his sponsers deserted him, England renownced him, and cycling chastized him. Two years later he's back and racing "clean" but his case is an interesting study in what makes riders head down the path towards drugs.

Pressure to perform in sport is an unbelievable motivator, and in our world the only realistic measure of success is improvement. When we reach the limits of our own ability we turn to something else. Thus the development of better and better equipment, better coaches, better training regimes, and in the end, better drugs. To win the biggest races in the world you need to be born a genetic freak, have the best and lightest bikes, work with a crew of world renowned coaches and sports physiologists, ride with the best team and take part in a blood doping regime which will bring you right to the limit of the tests without going over. It's all part of the game of professional cycling, driven by the corporate world which pays the bills. The sponsors who act so surprised and disgusted when their star rider gets nailed by the UCI are themselves to blame. Their seven figure contract is most likely the leading reason their rider turned to drugs for help.

If you don't believe this think about how many recreational riders are doping up before a group ride so they can get up the hill first. Any? Cycling at its core is about the simple freedom of moving about under your own power in your own direction, exploring the land, and many spectators of the grand tours cite the landscapes as one of the main draws of these races. The country that they race through is some of the most beautiful in the world; the Tour de France is just that, a tour of France. Over years and years of building the sport and building its sponsorship these original ideals were somewhat forgotten. Involvement in cycling is a purely financial decision for its sponsor, one based on return for investment and exposure, not love of the sport.

On the other hand we have the riders themselves. No one becomes a bike racer because they think they're going to get rich, they become a bike racer because they fell in love with the sensation of riding a bike. As I struggle and toil up a huge climb I'm not thinking of financial rewards, but physical and mental ones. I know that the sensation of conquering my local hills is the same as that which drove Jan Ullrich to start riding and then racing. It was much later when the corrupting forces of sponsorship dollars, TV deals and ruthless competition turned him and countless others towards drugs.

Whenever I've had the chance to chat with a pro cyclist I'm always struck by how similar we are. Sure, they can drop me like a prom dress on any ride I care to name, but the passion for the sport is always the same. One can sense the same sadness among the racers as among the fans when it comes to drugs. Its for this reason that I continue to respect and idolize these guys, they're just other much more talented riders than I trying to make a living out of the (corrupted) sport they love. For this you have to give them credit. Even if they're taking every type of EPO/blood transfusion/testosterone/etc out there they're also busting their ass in the saddle training on days when the rest of us are sleeping in and eating Cheerios. I recently read a Micheal Barry training exert in Velonews which mapped out his January ride around Boulder. While he was riding a cyclo-cross bike 80 miles through the snowy Colorado mountains amid the worst winter in 70 years you were probably sitting at home wondering when summer would return.

Think about that next time someone gets busted for "cheating." Its not like they're sitting on the couch taking a pill that magically turns them into Miguel Indurain; they're working they're asses off to become stronger than you or I can even imagine. When that's not enough they turn to medicine, just like the rest of the drug addled western world does.

This is why I still watch pro cycling, for no matter how many drug scandals are unsurfaced and how much Dick Pound criticizes the sport in the end its all about the riders, and as far as I'm concerned the work they put in to reach that level is enough to make them heroes no matter what happens from that point on.

Some friendly action

This weekend, the soccer world takes a break from domestic leagues for some international games. European teams are getting down to the business end of qualifying for Euro 2008 in Austria/Suisse. Our boys, meanwhile, are playing two friendlies: against Ecuador in Tampa on Sunday, and Guatemala in Dallas next Wednesday. Yeah, I know, scintillating opponents right? You can thank US Soccer and its dumbfuck naive president, Sunil Gulati, for scheduling these clunkers. 

Before anyone in the peanut gallery complains, yes, I know that Ecuador made the second round of the World Cup last summer. On Sunday, however, they will be without their star forward. The Ecuadorian Federation can smell a payday just like US Soccer. Guatemala is like that semi hot girl that you call if all of your better options are busy or out of town. We play them all the time, because they are in our region, and we always beat them. It’s not a challenge.  Also, why the hell aren’t any of these games in the dirty Jerz? You could fill Giant Stadium for the Ecuador game, even if it’s half South Americans. Its not like they won’t be at the game in Tampa Plus NYC has a big chunk of yank-supporting American fans who would be at the game, and the ‘nats haven’t played here in about two years. Don’t be surprised if ticket sales are meh for the Ecuador game. Attendance in Dallas is also shaping up to be a disaster, which is sad because they game is being played in FC Dallas’s 20,000 seater. You are telling me they can’t get 20,000 Texans to support the US national team? They are the most patriotic folks around. Just tell them its football.

Anyways, enough Federation bashing. These two games should actually be interesting from a US fan’s point of view, because interim coach Bob Bradley has called up what amounts to a full strength squad, including the European-based players. We finally get a chance to see some of the new guys, like Watford’s Jay Demerit, or Hamburg's Benny Feilhaber, or Michael Bradley (coach’s son, plays in Holland), pull on the US strip. And that, my friends, is a good thing, because I’m sick of marginal MLS players getting capped by the national team. You can read the official blog from the training camp here, and read a more “professionally” done preview of the Ecuador game here. Sunday’s game is on ESPN2 at noon Eastern, so those of you out West can watch with cafe in hand and work off those hangovers. Wednesday's game against Guatemala is on ESPN2 at 8 pm EST.

The Official F1 Predictions

Photo from some dude's Flickr stream. Boozing well before noon.

Your SoC editors got together last weekend in the ole Republic and many, many beverages later, we came up with some predictions for the upcoming F1 season. And I got the job of actually posting this pig. Due to time constraints, we ended up doing a bunch of this via email, and some people did a better job than others. Its a couple of things edited together, and I have provided some comments.

Driver's Championship-

Alex: Alonso. "Because we have underestimated how fast he is." Alex is obsessed with Kimi and is still mad at Ronzo for fucking him over.

Mat: Kimi. A curious choice, because Mat is currently wearing the Felipe Massa official Ferrari futbol jersey. "The Ice Man has been pretty quiet over the past year as Fernando and Schumacher battled it out for the title, but I can't see things staying the same as he settles into his new team with a fresh shot at the elusive championship. Kimi is clearly one of the two fastest men on the grid and come race time in Melbourne I think we'll see a killer instinct that shades even Fernando. People have pointed out Felipe Massa's superior times in winter testing as a weakness in Kimi's arsenal, but I can't help but thinking he's just biding his time till the lights go out."

Ian: Jenson Button. Oh wait, sorry, I thought it was the championship of yellow teeth. How about Giancarlo Fisichella? A serious dark horse candidate.

Sean: Heikki Kovalainen. "I have a thing for blondes."

Constructor's Championship-

Alex: "Come on, Ferrari. That's a given"

Mat: Ferrari. "The Italians finished last year with a fantastically strong car, they have the best relationship with Bridgestone in the pit lane, and they've been going like bonkers in testing. Unless things go wrong in Maranello I think anything less than a double championship will be a disappointment, irregardless of recent management shake-ups."

Ian: Mclaren. The car ends up neither slow nor fragile, and does better than expected.

Sean: The Red Team. "without a doubt, best team overall."

More after the jump

Melbourne Two Weeks Out...

If you happen to live in the United States of Americaland, two weeks from now will be a Saturday night full of beer and celebration as the F1 season kicks off for 2007. Australia, like Japan, China, and Malaysia, is a special treat for us American tv viewers as the time zones line up to make them night races. In other words, unless you are a scotch swilling commentator for Speed who's content with hitting the bottle at 5am these races offer us our only opprotunity to enjoy F1 with a drink in hand. So cheers it is, but lets take a look at how the teams seem to be shaping up thus far.

At the front of the field it's the usual suspects, with Ferrari and Mclaren throwing down the most impressive times the most often. Fernando Alonso commented this week that he feels slightly behind the red cars, while Massa and Raikkonnen have seemed confident in their pace. All the signs coming from Woking seem positive, but as we know there can be a big difference between pre-season spin and real performance. The biggest surprise thus far among the top two teams is how well Massa has looked against Raikkonen. Popular opinion had Kimi arriving at Ferrari and immediately dominating his less experienced team-mate, but so far the two ex-Sauber-ites have looked pretty even, with Massa coming out slightly ahead in most timed sessions. Maybe this is some Finnish mind trick, but I know I'm dying to see how they stack up come race time.

Chez Renault, its been another winter of understated performances. The world champions have made a habit of keeping a low profile over the off-season only to arrive at the season opener a step ahead of their rivals, and you can bet your baguettes Flavio will be hoping the technical team have again done their homework. Both of their championships came from seasons in which they weren't favorites, and although losing a star like Fernando has to be devastating, I find it hard to discount a team of this caliber... And by caliber I mean the both size of their gun barrels as well as the quality of their character...

Beyond the big three (not Ford, Chysler and GM) it is, as usual, hard to predict. BMW have shown excellent form, with many touting them as the big challenger to Ferrari and Mclaren instead of Renault. I always felt that Sauber had an excellent program that only lacked cash, and so far BMW seems to be taking advantage of that. If they really can make it to the pointy end of the grid this year it will be quite an accomplishment, with none happier about it than quick Nick Heidfeld. I'm sure the irony wouldn't be lost on him if he managed to get the ahead of Ferrari, a team made up entirely of drivers he was passed up for in the Sauber days. Until that happens though, I would tell Nick to focus on not being put on the Polish trailer by newbie Robert Kubica.

Other than these four, the rest of the grid has been working their asses off and finishing in various unremarkable grid combinations. Williams has comprehensibly outshone their engine supplier Toyota, which should be pissing off both the team from Cologne and Mark Webber, who once again seems to have made an unwise career decision. While I can understand the appeal of driving for Red Bull, and even more so the appeal of driving an Adrian Newey penned Red Bull, Webbo better put in some inspired performances to avoid the wrath of Red Bull's driver ADD. At this point it looks like he'll have his work cut out for him as all signs from the Red Bull camp seem to be "thumbs down."

Honda My Earth Dream Green Car Honda have been pounding round the test tracks trying to keep a low profile this winter. The last two seasons they routinely broke track records and won the "off season world championship" before under performing in the real season. After Jensen's win in Hungary last year the team definitely wants more, and they may have made a conscious decision to downplay their off season in the hopes of concentrating on what really matters. Also, Nick Fry has made it known that they have developed their car extensively in their wind tunnel and computing facilities without testing the parts on the track. If they can indeed make their simulations come true in Australia expect this to become a major trend in car design as it allows you to keep pieces secret until you bolt them on the car and kick everyone's ass with them. The downside is that many teams have found massive inconsistencies between what the wind tunnel tells them and what real world conditions tell them. Williams had a hell of a hard time with this issue last year.

ed's note: this morning Honda announced a major revamp of their car in time for the Malaysian GP. Which means that computational fluid dynamic boffinery didn't work out quite as well as hoped. Oooops for the Earth car. At least they're debuting version 2 at another night race! We'll be cheersing snake blood for this one.

As always though, the off season in F1 is a hard thing to judge, with teams running different programs and not necessarily trying to outdo each other. So really all we know is that there will be a bunch or races Michael Schumacher won't win, and somebody needs to step up and fill that void. As far as SofC's preparations for the season, we just need to figure out what we're serving Saturday night in two weeks time. Foster's oil cans? So predictable. Suggestions are welcome from our esteemed readership.

Can we Give our Shitty Buick Back, Tiger?

There is a part of me that will never understand the appeal of sports like Golf. Hitting a small ball into an even smaller hole while wearing ill-fitting hideous apparel doesn't make my blood boil whatsoever.

So in the glorious world of golfing, there is this bloke named Tiger who apparently is hugely popular with middle-aged white Republicans. Many say he was the best thing to happen to golf since Caddyshack, but with stunts like the following shilling a fat, nasty Buick concoction of steel and plastic could be Tiger's attempt to be Ashton Kutcher. That said, I don't think MTV will be knocking on his door just yet. He could be trying to broaden his appeal to ... I have no idea. Or maybe he could be doing an Oprah "You get a new Car" Winfrey to make these few suburban individuals happier with a truck with shut lines that a horse could make love to.

Or perhaps its this video's marriage of Middle American complacency, snore-inducing Sports and poorly made American cars that puts a ugly taste in my mouth. It is neither entertaining nor brave or new. Maybe this is a slightly below the belt jab at Golfers or Tiger, but seriously, what if Tiger was selling well-made cars instead of ones that are as disposable as those shorts he has on.

video via autoblog.